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Assumptions: Where Relationships Go Down The Drain

Assumptions: Where Relationships Go Down The Drain

Assumptions: Where Relationships Go Down The Drain

            “Oh, I bet he doesn’t even try getting a job, I bet they really don’t need food stamps and they’re just working the system, I bet she wasn’t really sick last week, I bet she was to hung-over or lazy, I bet he didn’t come to church today because he just isn’t “Christian” enough. I bet, I bet, I bet...“ You know, I “bet” if I was a betting man, that all those “I bet” statements (aka assumptions) are completely wrong, or very off base. Jesus told us not to judge (in most instances), but we seem to forget that when it comes to assuming.

            Have you ever assumed something which then lead to one huge argument, or a tag game of, “I thought you meant this....but I thought you meant this”? Well it happens to me quite frequently, and honestly I don’t even realize I am doing it. So, to those of us who assume the worst, and realize the truth only after punches have been thrown, we need to start making choices that intentionally help us seek the truth. Here are some ways to help combat assumptions:

1.     Do NOT jump to conclusions:

If they are running late, don’t try to guess why. At least if you do, just make sure it is only because you are bored and just trying to pass the time by “assuming” your friend is battling space pirates that landed in the middle of the highway. Otherwise, through your assuming the worst you begin to build up your fantasy to a reality, and in the end you are mad at your friend because you think they are late because they apparently hate you; when the real reason is they were just a little behind schedule. (Although fighting space pirates would be a much better excuse).

            We need to remember Proverbs 19:11 “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Are we using good sense when we assume, or better yet, are we making sure our hearts are ready to forgive if something does not go our way? Wouldn’t it just be smarter (aka wiser) to be patient and find the truth in due time?

2.     Do NOT allow your emotions to create your assumptions

       You are trying to finish your group project and the last person has not sent the rest of their work in. It is getting late and the project is due tomorrow. You are naturally frustrated, tired, worried, and just plain grumpy, but it does you no good to curse this person and be angry at them for being so “lazy”. When our emotions cloud our judgment it is never a good outcome, we either blow over a mountain when the problem actually needs to be fixed, or we blow up a molehill when there never should have been an issue in the first place.

       Another Proverb helps in this situation, Proverbs 29:11 “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” In essence, you are an idiot if you allow your frustration to build into a volcano. Be calm, be patient; getting angry will not make this person contact you any sooner.

      I know there are many more ways to help defeat our seemingly natural tendency to assume the worst; but if I were to attempt that, it would take quite awhile, and honestly, I know a better place to find those answers. The Bible! I know it sounds crazy, but it’s all in there. I am really just trying to make the point here that in all we struggle with in life, our answers are found in Christ and His Word. So I will leave you with this, and I pray that this helps you have the desire to pick up and find other answers you seek in this amazing love story we call the Bible. Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”